It’s Confirmed: My New Phone Receives Text Messages

Life Tip: If you ever need a cell phone, go to Radioshack. Not only will they insult you, but they'll also try to sell you everything in their store. It's awesome.

Also, bring my friend, Joe with you. He'll help them pressure you to buy extra appliances and then text you a picture of his dick while you're looking over your phone with the salesman.

I was looking through the cell phones, about to take one when a salesperson arrived.
"Can I help you?"
"I'd like to buy a cell phone."
"Oh yea, you need a new phone. Your old one's a mess."
"Thank you."
"Yea, a hard working guy like you deserves something better."
"I'm not hard working. I'm unemployed. That's why I'm getting the free phone." But thanks for the unnecessary insincere flattery. Why not just say, "Yea, a guy like you with big balls and the cock of a bad ass motherfucker deserves it."

I take the phone.
He says "Yea, that's a good choice. You're gonna like that phone. That's a nice phone."
Am I'm getting screwed. Why is he trying to sell me the phone that I already picked?
"Yea, you're an awesome person for picking out such a deliciously fantas-great cellular unit. You're probably going to be swimming in bitches and Benjamins now."

Then he tries to sell me more shit:
"Now, once I'm done setting up your phone I'm going to talk to you about these special offers we have on the blue tooth and phone case."
"That's ok, all I want is the phone."
"You don't want the blue tooth or the case. Are you sure? You're missing out on a very special offer. Are you familiar with the blue tooth?"
"Yea, I don't want it."

Meanwhile, Joe is next to me saying, "Really? You're not gonna get the blue tooth? How could you not get the blue tooth? It's a great deal."
"Joe, shut the fuck up."
But now the salesman's encouraged to go on.
"Are you sure because with this purchase I can get you 20% off the blue tooth and 10% off the phone case."
"Yea, I don't need that stuff."
"Are you sure because…"
"Yea, I'm unemployed. I have to save money."
"Are you sure, cause you could put this stuff on credit, pay it off in installments."
"That's ok. I have no credit."
"Really? You have no credit. Want to apply for a Radioshack credit card?"
(The actual argument went on longer but I'm tired of typing)
"Please, can you just give me this phone?" My head is in my hands.
"Alright, but if you change your mind, remember we also have this Radioshack credit card. You can get 10% off your first purchase. It offers some really great deals. There's no monthly fees or cancellation fee."
(I ended up getting a Radioshack credit card. I don't know why either.)

Then he shows me the AT&T plan and he says, "You know, for only $15 a month you could receive 1500 text messages."
Does he even get a commission on that? Doesn't that have to do with AT&T?
I'm waiting for him to say, "Yea, but if you buy Velveeta, it's much better than cheddar. And if you buy a new Honda Hybrid you'll be happy with the mileage you get. You should sponsor a tiger at the zoo. Then you can visit it in the cage, and it's fun."

All of sudden he's like, "Oh, it looks like you have a text message. Let's figure out how to read it." He presses buttons. "Oh, here it is. Oh, um, here you go."
And that's when I see a picture of Joe standing naked with his erect dick. I look up and Joe is at the other end of the store waving with a big smile.

Just as a frame of reference: Joe was in the store the whole time. He didn't run out, get hard, and take the picture. He just has this picture, among others of his dick, that he sends out and looks at whenever he's alone.

The weird part was that didn't stop the salesman from trying to sell me more shit. He continued to see if I wanted to purchase batteries. You'd think after you see a picture of someone's dick you'd stop selling, but no.

And that's the story of how Havier came to be employee of the month.