Day 2 of topical jokes. I'm really beginning to get a perspective on world events. By the end of the week I should be able to run for president.
For the first time in 25 years, medical experts are proposing a major change in the criteria for Alzheimer's disease. Now if you forget to say "excuse me" after belching, you have Alzheimer’s.
A new report says child labor is widespread on farms that supply Philip Morris’s cigarette factory in Kazakhstan. Just goes to show two wrongs do make a right.
In all fairness, the company provides the children with free packs of cigarettes so they can feel cooler while working for 5 cents an hour.
You know what they say: smoke em if you got em, and by “em” I mean desperate migrant children who're willing to work for far below minimum wage.
They say the children are being exposed to tobacco which can lead to addiction. However, they do look cool during their smoke breaks.
The National League won the All-star game, snapping a losing streak that dates back to 1996. Oddly enough this is the same record my friend, Andy, has with women in every league.
Scientists recently published a report that people who sit more, have a better chance of heart disease. Luckily I was reading this article while lying down.
They said exercise does not undo the problems that come with sitting for hours at a time. Finally, an excuse to not exercise.
Web designer, Paul D. Ceglia claims that a 2003 contract with Facebook and its creator, Mark Zuckerberg, entitles Ceglia to 84 percent of the company. Zuckerberg promptly defriended Ceglia just after tagging Ceglia in a nasty status update about his mom.
Whoopi Goldberg said on the View that Mel Gibson is not a racist. "He is however a huge anti-semite," she added, "which is why I told him my name was Whoopi Black."
The Environmental Working Group released its fourth annual Sunscreen Guide, citing that overuse of sunscreen could be responsible for low vitamin D levels. They also cited that slathering an entire bottle of sunblock on your nose could be responsible for your lack of sex.
They also discovered that vegetables will give you conjunctivitis and polio so as to make it impossible to believe anything is healthy.
Shares of Apple Inc. slid more than 4 percent yesterday after a poor review for its iPhone 4 from an influential consumer guide. The guide stated that the iphone 4 had signal loss when turned a certain way. Apple released a statement, “yea, but we have an application that allows you to fly so we should be even.”
UK researchers found that the chicken did officially come before the egg because eggs can only be formed through the presence of a protein found in chickens' ovaries. Next the UK is going to spend millions of tax dollars researching why the chicken crossed the road.
The UK researchers then confessed that they were serious and that this wasn’t an article in The Onion.
Kids with cancer everywhere were overjoyed to hear about this scientific breakthrough, asking, “Which came first, your years of wasted energy on a question that no one actually cared about or my extreme depression over having a life-threatening disease that doesn’t seem to be getting cured anytime soon.”
Unable to detect sarcasm, the UK researchers began working on an answer.
