Happy Rosh Hashanah last week everyone who's Jewish. Don't worry, I talked to God and he/she/it said it was ok if I skipped synagogue this year so long as I wrote a couple blogs in which I insult people.
Yesterday I was running late for a show and got stuck in standstill foot traffic in the Union Sq subway. A breakdancing group had gathered such a large audience it was hard to get around. I was annoyed, until an elderly lady in front huffed and said, "This is a public nuisance!" Then she looked around for support from the rest of us who were trying to move forward, like she was starting a revolution, like that was her Che Guevara moment and vegans with dreadlocks everywhere would wear her image on their smelly shirts. But everyone was just annoyed she slowed the line down and I almost laughed in her face for saying something was a "public nuisance."
That has to be so frustrating, to be that old lady. She has valid points, but delivers them in that outdated 1920's kind of way that makes people laugh in her face.
People could get murdered, detectives could show up, and she'd say, "These hooligans need to stop lousing things up with their shenanigans!"
"Thanks Mr. Wilson. We were about to catch whoever was behind this triple homicide, but now we're satisfied with laughing hysterically. Let us know if you see any more hoopla or rigamarole."
That being said, I'm sure if a hot girl had said "this is a public nuisance" I would've laid down in front of tanks to end the existence of breakdancing.
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