Last night, while trying to find parking in Boston, I accidentally passed a lot with one spot left. Unfortunately, I was on a one-way road, but it was a back road and there was no traffic coming.
I was running late for a show, so I began backing up and this 60-something year old security guard charged out from a nearby building like I was raiding his fortress. He clearly had little going on in his life, and he said "hey you can't do that. This is a one way street." I was afraid he might call for backup so I politely explained that I was trying to get to the parking lot I'd just passed ten feet back. "Well then you gotta drive around again." Driving around meant driving onto a three lane highway, steering my way through traffic, finding this same side street while avoid hundreds of pedestrians…not to mention I'm lazy.
So I pleaded… "Please sir, could you just let me back up ten feet," like I was Oliver Twist in a Driver's Ed video.
He chuckled, "Nope, that's why I'm here." Then stood there proudly with a "you might be 40 years younger and not a worthless security guard, but I can still piss you off" grin on his face. He was so impressed with himself that I could literally feel his diary opening up. Tonight would be the entry of his lifetime.
Normally I would sigh melodramatically and shake my head like it was a crying shame that something like this was happening in America. Then I would drive off, cursing him out behind closed windows so no one else could get offended by my insults (assface and assface fucker) and try to pick a fight with me.
I was about to do continue that tradition, when instead I remained calm, turned back and politely stated, "Sir, I hope you get run over tonight." He nodded as if he were saluting my wish. I drove off, trying to find a spot elsewhere so I didn't have to pass him again. I ended up passing him three more times before I found a spot.
I was so proud of myself that I opened my blog and wrote the entry of my lifetime.
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