I had an audition last Friday for what I thought was a stock footage shoot. I think that means that they need people to stand in the background of a photo shoot. I dont really understand what it was. I just sign up for things and hope for the best. Its one of the reasons I have no money and a bad case of rabies now.
Regardless, I was excited. You know youre career is on a roll when youre applying for auditions to be an extra in a magazine advertisement. Thats how most Hollywood stars get discovered. Heath Ledger was seen drinking out of a water fountain in the background of a Camel Cigarette ad and the execs were like, "this guy would be great in our movie. Just look at the way he bends over."
A day before I received a mass email about the photo advertisement audition. I emailed the agency a headshot as the email requested and was later given an audition time and place. Im pretty good at not moving, so I figured the camera would love me.
When I arrive at the audition, everyone else there is an African American woman. I think "maybe theyre here for something else" or "maybe I'm early" or (and this is where I get modest) "maybe I had the only white male headshot that they liked so thats why theres no other men or Caucasian people here."
Theres a posted flier that reads, Make sure you are available for the following shoot dates:
August 8: African Americans
August 9: Latinos
I read the flier at least four times trying to make sure Im not overlooking the day when stupid white males are going to be magazine extras.
I sit down and start filling out the application, circling answers like white and pale skin and while Im doing so, more and more African American women are showing up for the audition.
Finally a man (the only man there) walks out, calls "Dan Hirshon?" and when I get up and introduce myself, he smiles and turns quickly so as not to laugh in my face.
Inside the room, I stand in the middle and the guy takes a picture of me. In the back of the room is another African American woman, who had a similar "this kid's either a moron or the ugliest black woman I've ever seen" grin on her face.
I give a big smile for the camera, take the picture, and leave. I guess they thought it would be too awkward to do anything else so they just took my picture and told me they'd call me when Big: The Sequel comes out (In the sequel, instead of wishing to be bigger, Tom Hanks wishes the genie to make him more of a black woman).
The thing I didnt get was that I emailed them my headshot and they replied with an audition time. So my guess is that my headshot makes me look like a black woman. Its a very dark picture and my hair helps.
Watch me get pigeon-holed into that role. "Have you seen Dan Hirshon's act?"
"You mean that black woman who talks about how she can never get laid as a pale skinned Jewish boy?"
"Yea, she has a unique look. I think we should have her in the house for the next Last Comic Standing."
Booya.
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