(Left: My brother after winning the "most Asian female looking" award. Fun Fact: He still hasn't stopped smiling out of pride.)
For those of you who havent been to a graduation recently...you might be a redneck. Hey-o.
(Fun Fact: My brother killed two birds with one stone during his wedding/graduation. You can't see it, but the dead birds are lying on the ground behind him.)
My dad made us show up an hour early to score good seats. He wanted to score front row seats so we could be bored up close. I guess he got high school graduation confused with something exciting, like going to the movies during opening weekend of Princess Diaries 2. I figured no matter where we sit, were still going to get the same view of a bunch of bored teenagers staring off into space while the school superintendent tells them to take control of their half-full glass of life and live it to the fullest.
(Left: My brother's graduation class. Looking for Waldo? He's the one on the left with his hands together and a candy cane shirt.)
The ceremony started with the principal announcing, Now presenting the Ashland High School Faculty and the faculty paraded in from the hallway all dressed up and waving to the crowd. I couldnt tell if we were supposed to cheer them on like Hollywood celebrities. The whole time my moms pointing and clapping, Oh my, theres Mr. Matthews from 8th grade history, and Miss Meyers from Health. I cant believe Im seeing her in personMiss Meyers, could you sign my shirt. Please and make it out to Carl. Hes graduating today.
Then the students marched out as slowly as possible, organizing into rows and columns for 20 minutes. They make a big production out of it like they were impressing someone. Wow, who choreographed this number? Mustve practiced this at least one time. And with those matching colors and hats, they should take this show to Broadway. Id give it a Tony Award.
Everyone was dressed in the same stupid outfit and all walking together. Whats the mentality there? After years of education where we told you to think for yourself, were going to dress all of you in the same Harry Potter jump suit and have you goosestep in unison.
Some people videotaped the whole thing and just held their cameras up above their heads. They werent even pointing them in any specific direction. I dont care if any of this is in focus, just as long as I can remember how painfully long it was later.
Cant wait to watch those tapes. Check it out. Heres the part where I fall asleep for 2 hours. I dont think you could make graduation interesting if you edited it down to a one-minute blockbuster preview. Coming this June - Kids Getting Diplomas - a High School Production.
Then they have the chorus sing the star spangled banner. Its like a professional sporting event, minus the halftime shows, beer, and action. Everyone cheered when their kid gets onstage, except my family. We just sat back, eh, been there, done that.
Then different people present speeches to address the class. They should just hand out quote books and a list of clichés in the graduation programs. That way the speakers dont have to waste our time telling us just how boring they can be. One speaker quoted Martin Van Buren. Theres a real inspirational figure in history. Right up there with James Polk and Calvin Coolidge. Martin Van Burens famous quote was, I cant believe anyone would ever quote me.
(Left: Martin on a good hair day. OMG, talk abotu split ends. You're telling me sister.)
All in all, it was quite a day. If you ever get a chance to watch someone graduate, take it. Then write a blog and see if you can make it as amazingly gripping as this one. Congratulations class of 2006.
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