Got to be a part of this a couple weeks ago. Enjoy:
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
ER
Chilled in the hospital ER yesterday.
I'd never been to one. Before now I imagined Emergency rooms looked like someone was filming a sequel to "Carrie" and the only way in was if you were hemorrhaging from the face.
There must be a "seriously this is an emergency" emergency room because people didn't seem that sick where I was.
I couldn't believe I got in. "Oh, you find it inconvenient to wait for a doctor's appointment? Sounds like an emergency. Come on in and sit with some of the most ridiculous people."
There was a guy there who was hitting on a girl two seats down from him. That's really where I'd go to hit on someone. "You got syphilis? Me too. Small world. I bet we have a lot in common. Do you also like to have sex with creepy guys you meet in the ER?"
Some people probably weren't even that sick to begin with, but got sick waiting in the emergency room. My nurse who looked sicker than anyone there. He must've been employed just to infect people in case they weren't sick enough to stay.
When I sat down all he said was "what?" He looked too tired to say anything else: the perfect person to treat me.
I assumed he wanted to know my ailments. I told him everything I could think of. For some reason I always feel like I need to impress the doctor with my fucked up diseases, like he'll be like "wow, how do you cope with that? Have a lollipop and a certificate, my wacky friend."
My nurse wasn't impressed. He just nodded.
Then, while looking at my driver's license, he said, "how do you spell your last name?"
1.) My last name is spelled the same way it appears in bold font on my driver's license.
2.) Every race, color, and creed can be found in a New York ER, yet "Hirshon" is the name that throws him.
If you have a problem reading words, maybe you shouldn't be working in a hospital. That handicap tends to cause problems.
Three hours later I got my own room for more waiting. I knew I'd miss sitting next to the skinhead with the "Kathy" neck tattoo, but was happy to get a chance to lie on one of the world's most uncomfortable patient beds. If you like a mattress made out of 2x4s covered in dirty leather and wax paper then heaven has a place for you in the ER.
Turns out I'm sick. Thank god. I was going to be pissed if I wasn't.
Getting better.
I'd never been to one. Before now I imagined Emergency rooms looked like someone was filming a sequel to "Carrie" and the only way in was if you were hemorrhaging from the face.
There must be a "seriously this is an emergency" emergency room because people didn't seem that sick where I was.
I couldn't believe I got in. "Oh, you find it inconvenient to wait for a doctor's appointment? Sounds like an emergency. Come on in and sit with some of the most ridiculous people."
There was a guy there who was hitting on a girl two seats down from him. That's really where I'd go to hit on someone. "You got syphilis? Me too. Small world. I bet we have a lot in common. Do you also like to have sex with creepy guys you meet in the ER?"
Some people probably weren't even that sick to begin with, but got sick waiting in the emergency room. My nurse who looked sicker than anyone there. He must've been employed just to infect people in case they weren't sick enough to stay.
When I sat down all he said was "what?" He looked too tired to say anything else: the perfect person to treat me.
I assumed he wanted to know my ailments. I told him everything I could think of. For some reason I always feel like I need to impress the doctor with my fucked up diseases, like he'll be like "wow, how do you cope with that? Have a lollipop and a certificate, my wacky friend."
My nurse wasn't impressed. He just nodded.
Then, while looking at my driver's license, he said, "how do you spell your last name?"
1.) My last name is spelled the same way it appears in bold font on my driver's license.
2.) Every race, color, and creed can be found in a New York ER, yet "Hirshon" is the name that throws him.
If you have a problem reading words, maybe you shouldn't be working in a hospital. That handicap tends to cause problems.
Three hours later I got my own room for more waiting. I knew I'd miss sitting next to the skinhead with the "Kathy" neck tattoo, but was happy to get a chance to lie on one of the world's most uncomfortable patient beds. If you like a mattress made out of 2x4s covered in dirty leather and wax paper then heaven has a place for you in the ER.
Turns out I'm sick. Thank god. I was going to be pissed if I wasn't.
Getting better.
Mono and a Movie
So I'm pretty sure I have mono again, although on the plus side I think I can blame it on a girl this time. Things are going well for this guy, or were going well before I became a shut-in for the next month and a half.
Having mono is like being too tired to come up with a simile. First your throat hurts, then you give up on the simile.
I've been watching a lot of movies. Here are some quick reviews followed by what I actually thought of them:
Smoking Aces – If you like watching a ton of famous actors join together to make a sometimes incomprehensible film, then watch smoking aces. Also, there was a lot of killing. Now available for free on the internet. (Good)
Punchline – It was almost as bad as the first time I watched it, except this time I felt sick for other reasons. (Bad)
Lucky Number Slevin – Morgan Freeman plays a calm, black man. Ben Kingsley plays a calm, Jew. Can life get better? How bout you add Lucy Lui playing the part of a sexy Asian, Josh Hartnett playing the part of a clueless white boy, and Bruce Willis playing an action hero. Never have so many already established characters come together to make one movie. I give it one ear infection and a sleepless night (really good).
Semi-Pro – A lot of people were afraid this would just be another movie where Will Ferrell acts ridiculous and yells a lot. Lucky for me, I was hoping for that, and it delivered. I give it a thumb up (I ran out of mono references) (good).
In Bruges – You might not have heard much about this one, but if you like Colin Ferrell getting shot, then this might be the movie for you. I'm not going to give away the ending, but lets just say it rhymes with "bollin barrell gets shot." It's funny, poignant, and intense, kind of like Semi-Pro, except nope (really good).
Sid and Nancy – It's wierd watching a movie about heroin junkies who go out of their minds and wind up dead, when you're alone in your room, dizzy, aching, and wishing you were on drugs, but at the same time I really liked Gary Oldman in The Professional and have decided to like him in every other film he's ever made (good).
Lars and the Real Girl – Guess who's even more awkward around women than I am? It's not nobody silly. It's Lars, and he has a new girlfriend, a plastic doll. When my brother told me about this I didn't think it would be good. Then it was good. Don't worry, I still don't trust my brother, but you should. He makes inexpensive and efficient websites. Give him a call if you're interested (really good, but not as good as my brother's websites).
In addition to watching movies, I've also been moaning and standing up to moan. Not sure which I like more.
Clearly I'm bored right now so let me know how you're doing.
Also, enjoyed this:
Having mono is like being too tired to come up with a simile. First your throat hurts, then you give up on the simile.
I've been watching a lot of movies. Here are some quick reviews followed by what I actually thought of them:
Smoking Aces – If you like watching a ton of famous actors join together to make a sometimes incomprehensible film, then watch smoking aces. Also, there was a lot of killing. Now available for free on the internet. (Good)
Punchline – It was almost as bad as the first time I watched it, except this time I felt sick for other reasons. (Bad)
Lucky Number Slevin – Morgan Freeman plays a calm, black man. Ben Kingsley plays a calm, Jew. Can life get better? How bout you add Lucy Lui playing the part of a sexy Asian, Josh Hartnett playing the part of a clueless white boy, and Bruce Willis playing an action hero. Never have so many already established characters come together to make one movie. I give it one ear infection and a sleepless night (really good).
Semi-Pro – A lot of people were afraid this would just be another movie where Will Ferrell acts ridiculous and yells a lot. Lucky for me, I was hoping for that, and it delivered. I give it a thumb up (I ran out of mono references) (good).
In Bruges – You might not have heard much about this one, but if you like Colin Ferrell getting shot, then this might be the movie for you. I'm not going to give away the ending, but lets just say it rhymes with "bollin barrell gets shot." It's funny, poignant, and intense, kind of like Semi-Pro, except nope (really good).
Sid and Nancy – It's wierd watching a movie about heroin junkies who go out of their minds and wind up dead, when you're alone in your room, dizzy, aching, and wishing you were on drugs, but at the same time I really liked Gary Oldman in The Professional and have decided to like him in every other film he's ever made (good).
Lars and the Real Girl – Guess who's even more awkward around women than I am? It's not nobody silly. It's Lars, and he has a new girlfriend, a plastic doll. When my brother told me about this I didn't think it would be good. Then it was good. Don't worry, I still don't trust my brother, but you should. He makes inexpensive and efficient websites. Give him a call if you're interested (really good, but not as good as my brother's websites).
In addition to watching movies, I've also been moaning and standing up to moan. Not sure which I like more.
Clearly I'm bored right now so let me know how you're doing.
Also, enjoyed this:
Resume builder
My friend told me that employers often read the blogs of potential employees to judge character and make sure they're not writing anything inappropriate. With this in mind I've decided to improve my online image and blog language.
Last Sunday I took the initiative to apply for a local eating contest. Determined and persistent, I looked forward to the opportunity to perform. With my seven years of public speaking experience I felt confident appearing before a crowd of co-workers and displaying one of my many skills: the efficient disposal of hamburgers. In addition to Excel and Word I am very advanced when it comes to hamburger disposal.
As I have a background in project management I was able to effectively approach the objective: to eat as many burgers as possible in five minutes.
Much like my two years working as a customer service representative at one of the world's largest life insurance providers I was able to collaborate with a team of masticating specialists to complete the task at hand. Paying close attention to detail I made sure not to leave any remaining traces of beef or bun behind. This ensured that I maintained a sound budget. Also I like free food.
In five years I see myself as someone who is entering local eating contests on a regular basis. I don't have a job, but enjoy eating and public humiliation making this a symbiotic relationship.
"And in last place: Dan Hirshon, with two hot dogs and a little bit of coleslaw."
Below is video footage of my casual and relaxing defeat followed by the big guy who wins it all.
Last Sunday I took the initiative to apply for a local eating contest. Determined and persistent, I looked forward to the opportunity to perform. With my seven years of public speaking experience I felt confident appearing before a crowd of co-workers and displaying one of my many skills: the efficient disposal of hamburgers. In addition to Excel and Word I am very advanced when it comes to hamburger disposal.
As I have a background in project management I was able to effectively approach the objective: to eat as many burgers as possible in five minutes.
Much like my two years working as a customer service representative at one of the world's largest life insurance providers I was able to collaborate with a team of masticating specialists to complete the task at hand. Paying close attention to detail I made sure not to leave any remaining traces of beef or bun behind. This ensured that I maintained a sound budget. Also I like free food.
In five years I see myself as someone who is entering local eating contests on a regular basis. I don't have a job, but enjoy eating and public humiliation making this a symbiotic relationship.
"And in last place: Dan Hirshon, with two hot dogs and a little bit of coleslaw."
Below is video footage of my casual and relaxing defeat followed by the big guy who wins it all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)