Naps: Man's Best Friend

My friends often ask, “How come you’re tired all the time? How can you take so many naps?”
Because it’s easier to say I’m tired than depressed.
If you’re tired people think, “What a bum.”
But if you say you’re depressed people think, “how do I get out of this conversation without it being awkward?”

I picked the wrong species to be.

Every animal I see at the zoo is in the middle of a nap. People still go to the zoo.

Bears get to sleep all winter and no one’s like “I don’t care if it has seasonal depression. What a lazy piece of shit.” Instead, People are scared of bears. I’d love to take a nap, wake up, and have people scared of me. “Dan, sorry to disturb your hibernation. It’s just that you owe for four months of rent and electric bills, but you know what, I’ll cover it. Just don’t maul me.”

The caterpillar slugs around, puts up with that shit, takes a nap, and wakes up as a butterfly, a way better creature. It went to sleep as Slingblade and woke up as Batman. It’s like She’s All That except instead of a new wardrobe you just take a nap in a tiny bedroom. Naps aren’t bad. We’re just forgetting a cocoon.

I wish I could wake up with the ability to fly.
“Hey did you hear about Hirshon?”
“Hirshon-Nap Hirshon?”
“Yea, things are looking up for him. He’s got wings now.”
“How’d he get those?”
“Took a power nap.”
“Man, that guy was right all along about naps.”
“Yea, and he has eyes that shoot lasers.”
“How come?”
“Because he never gets laid.”
“What a hero.”

Don’t be down on naps. They’re not a sign of laziness. They’re a chance to fl… (Blog not finished due to nap).