My friend, P.J. Darko (Donnie's cousin), told me "some science shows the earth’s climate is shifting despite what we do and those shifts affect the earth much more than anything we control so all this hype about global warming is overblown."
Even if talk of global warming were all an excuse to stop pollution, why wouldn’t you be in favor of that?
“That power plant is so beautiful. Why would we end that over some theory about the world’s destruction? Don’t believe the bullshit. Who doesn’t love garbage pileups and spending too much on gas so our cars can fog up the air and make it harder for us to see and breathe? I love depending on resources from the Middle East where clearly there’s no conflict.”
On the other hand, some environmentalists are looking for scapegoats. Many of them are down on the Hummer because it’s supposedly a gas-guzzlers.
Personally, I don’t hate Hummers, just the people who drive them.
I do support the Hummer as a means of job security and think we should be given tanks.
“You’re firing me? No fuck that. I’ll go Tiananmen Square on your ass!”
“What happened to Larry? He was so nice when he was working in accounting.”
“After Citibank fired him the US military let him purchase weapons of mass destruction it kind of went to his head.”
More tanks, less layoffs. No one gets fired if their boss is afraid of a full blown military attack.
The best are Stretch Hummers, for anyone looking to flick off a global warming scientist.
“Oh the earth is going to die if we don’t take care of it? Fuck you. This bachelorette party requested an extra obnoxious waste of space to help them make their presence known before they run around screaming with dick straws. Everything has a purpose. You say potato, I say I could care less if the icecaps melt and drown us all. I need attention.”
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