Johnny TweezWasabi: Method Motivational Speaker

Below is a Transcript of Commencement Speech at Hirshwell's by Johnny TweezWasabi: Method Motivational Speaker

President Hirshwell, Members of the Hirshwell’s Corporation and the board of overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and of course, graduates of Hirshwell’s Community College at Night, I would like to begin by saying thank you. Thank you for allowing me to enrich your lives and become a major influence in your memories.

Most of you already know me from my motivational speeches and inspirational aura, but let me blow your minds by revealing that I haven’t always been so incredible. Just like you are now, I was at one time a lost cause, a frustrated young chap. I was constantly mad at myself for not accomplishing all I wanted to. I felt time was running out and I was moving too slowly for life itself. But then I discovered what would immediately give me the strength to overcome my problems. I discovered crystal meth.

Like you I was skeptical at first…but after crushing 14 boxes of Sudafed into fine powder, dumping the contents into a pitcher of An-hydrous ammonia with 4 unraveled alkaline batteries until it produced a rotten egg smell and fog, then pouring the mixture into a Ziploc bag, separating and pouring contents through coffee filters, filling a rinsed out 20 oz pop bottle 1/3 of the way with salt, cutting a hole in the top, inserting a fish hose, connected to the two original bags with the filtered contents, opening the bag to release the smoke so it doesn’t become stale, and waiting 2 to 3 hours for it to dry before shooting it into my veins, I was soon able to stay awake for 8-970 hours at a time.

Whereas I used to feel groggy, I suddenly had the adrenaline rush to complete all my homework as well as everyone else’s, paint houses, write novels, build ice sculptures, master ju jitzu and taekwando, play a 1 on 5 basketball game, learn every language in existence, and sell meth to all the young kids my community…all overnight. I’d gained a superpower and that superpower was identified in the urban dictionary as Smurf Dope.

Class of 2011, if you don’t believe me, I beg you to simply give Scooby Snax a try. I guarantee you won’t want to stop.

Dr. Seuss once said, “Oh the places you will go…if you smoke chank and cheebah.” Clearly he knew how to get things done. Are you ready to jump aboard the train to happiness town where skyscrapers are erected from powder monkeys and hope is not a myth, but rather a vat of Satan Dust?

All our lives we are taught to believe meth is a poor decision, but I learned something, and you soon will too: the most important lesson to learn after college graduation is that life isn’t about others making decisions for you, it’s about you shooting up on white crunch so you can feel like the king of the universe.

Graduating class, if I leave you with one message besides that it’s important to smoke baggers, I’ll leave you with this: If you are one the lucky few to discover your true passion in life, don’t run away from it, even if it explodes in your face because you didn’t stir the ammonia at the correct speed.

Allow me to explain. Soon after finding my calling, I put together a lab out in the desert so I could expose more people life’s wonderful solution. You’re welcome.

However, with most epiphanies come some epipha-nos. One day while cooking some happiness, I accidentally burned my entire face off. But like any true motivator, I persisted. I searched through the mushroom cloud that’d encompassed my lab, found a needle, and shot up. Six months later after a ridiculous amount of plastic surgery, I am here to tell you that I am still on meth, and still loving life.

Students, the reason I tell you this story is because many in this position might have given up. My friend who was running the lab with me actually quit meth altogether and left joy town. He went to a place where instead of having fun with meth, they just talked about all the times they used to have fun with meth. Excuse my tough love, but are you bored? Because I am.

Your time is limited, so don’t let the noise of after school specials and DARE programs drown out your desire to reach for the stars, especially if those stars look like some Sweet Ass Spinderella that you can smoke.

If you’d like to support my solution to life, please feel free to buy my meth or my CD, entitled Meth: Taking the “if” out of life, and also taking the “L-e” out of life and replacing it with “Meth.” The CD is available on i-tunes or in my new undisclosed basement lab in Chinatown.

Thank you for your time. Meth foreves.

$1400 / Common Rume w/ futon and small TV!

Wanta liv in ar common rume fore only $1400/mo?

A Coming Of Age Gangsta Tale

My friend, C, frequently says he’s gangsta: “Yo I’m gangsta, son!” He says it like it’s a self-affirmation: "I’m good enough, I’m strong enough, and doggonit, I’m gangsta son!" If you put your mind to it, you can believe anything you want to, son.

He'll say something like "you know how I do" because he's so aware of his own identity that he assumes everyone around him knows how he do. That must be wonderful to have so much self-awareness. And on top of that he also knows that the answer to "how he do" is a respectable one. He's like an apostle, unable to be swayed from his faith. He'll loudly explain "Son, you know how I do" and I'll say, "I know how you do. You read Spiderman and Batman and sit in your house on the weekends to play Call of Duty." And he'll say "Aight son, quit playin'" which is like saying, "The Lord forgiveth all, even thoseth who have fallen from grace."

We've had our differences. When I first met him he could see that I didn't feel gangsta so he yelled in my face: “Just relax! Motherfucka, RELAX!” and I said, "I’m trying, but I freaking out from the irony in this."

He has so much confidence he can’t see how I could lack it so he gives me the same advice he’d give himself. “Yo don’t take shit from no one, just tell that nigga to back the fuck up!” Whereas I'm a little skeptical. “Um, do I have to use the n-word? I don't really feel comfortable telling anyone to back the fuck anywhere. I'd prefer to chiggity check myself before I wriggity wreck myself." Don't get me wrong, I understand that words can never hurt me, but they can inspire someone to hit my bones with sticks and stones and AK-47 bullets.

One thing I've come to learn through acceptance and self-awareness is that I don’t want to be gangsta. Not because I can't be gangsta (I mean, we all know how I do), but rather, because these top five reasons why gangstaism does not work for me:

1.) Gangstas spend quite a bit of money on champagne and almost immediately waste it by pouring the champagne on their bitches. I don't like to waste. There are people starving in China who would be more than appreciative about that champagne. Also I pay close attention to hygiene and pouring champagne all over one's body can lead to rashes and other health issues.

2.) Gangstas often need clothing that displays their gang colors. I cannot stand shopping and also some days I don't have many outfits to choose from since most of my clothes are in the hamper. I'd rather not get shot because my blue bandana is still getting washed at the laundromat.

3.) Gangstas appear very concerned with pimping out their ride. I, on the other hand, am looking for something fuel efficient. I'm not all about money. I'm also about the environment and protecting it and understand that if my car is not weighed down by expensive rims and a $10,000 sound system that I can do my part for the ozone layer.

4.) Similarly, gangstas appear very concerned with pimping out their crib. I don’t care what kind of leopard print carpeting the interior designer uses for my bedroom as long as an actual leopard is not harmed.

5.) Gangstas must be angry on a frequent basis and must communicate via yelling. I prefer to designate my energy elsewhere, such as into comedy writing or filmmaking. However, while I have little interest in shooting people for their money, I am not totally against shooting them because they’re annoying.

Despite this list, I learned a powerful lesson about my friend C.

One night at a comedy club I got offstage and C said, “yo that blond was laughing hard at your shit. You should hollar at that bitch.” I understood he meant: that I should shout loudly at a ho, but he said it casually like I was hollar certified. I said, "Hold on, I just need to 'drop it like it’s hot' and 'ride dirty back to 8-mile.' Who the fuck do you think you're talking to right now?"

I was put off. I felt insecure. I thought, "I’m not really the type to holler at a bitch. My voice cracks. I can yodel at a bitch, or nod and murmur at a bitch, or even talk extensively about my favorite movies with a bitch, but I don't want to meet a bitch, let alone holler at one. If I hollar I want it to be special. None of this 'Damn girl you got a big ol’ booty.' That could be construed as offensive."

But then I thought, "The world is made up of so many people with so many different points of view, dialects, and voices, all of them incredible in their own way. C has wonderful advice and I shouldn't dismiss it just because he speaks in gangsta tongue. When C says 'hollar at that bitch' he is simply trying to communicate that I should 'go over and speak with that nice young lady because we might hit it off since she seems to enjoy my sense of humor.'"

And then I thought, "I don’t want to be at my deathbed and realize I should’ve hollared this whole time. I should feel confident, knowing that C thinks of me as someone who can adeptly hollar at a bitch. He didn’t sound sarcastic when he said it to me. Rather than think less of C I should give myself more credit. I do have the power to hollar at a bitch. I should show C gratitude. I should tell him 'Thank you for saying I can hollar at a bitch.'" It was as if he’d given me a key to gangsta city and was letting me do as I pleased. Obviously I’d avoid certain alleyways, but for the most part, I was free to do as I pleased.

So I approached the attractive blond and her friends, waved, and said, “Hey Bitches…" And that's how I met your mother. Good night son.

Throughout my life I feel like I've had several heroes I often haven't acknowledged in my mind. My dad has been a hero of mine, but I didn't realize it at first because I only recognized his faults, or rather, our dissimilarities. When he woke me up in the morning by singing Broadway tunes or reached back from the front seat of the car to stop my brother and I from fighting, I tallied up the instances and painted him as a negative force in my life. The same with my mother, and until recently my brother.

I had friends growing up and still have friends today who act as heroes of mine, but because of my pride I'm often afraid to define them as heroes. Calling them heroes seems to give them a higher ranking than me in life's hierarchy. But I realize they've been my heroes. I've looked up to them, I've often imitated subtleties in their actions and inflections in their voices, and even repeated whole movements and phrases because I saw how it worked for them and believed it would help me improve if I did the same. In this way, they have been Gods to me.

God seems to be a word some use to describe the attractions of the universe, while others use it to describe chaos. For some he is a very strong image in their mind, for others he is shapeless, impossible to even imagine. I use “he” to describe God only because it’s more convenient when explaining my point, but God is genderless, or a specific gender depending what guides you.

God is necessary to survive and though some may reject his existence, faith in God exists in all our lives in some form or another. Every self-help book gives us something to believe in: smile every day and fake it till you make it, or set specific goals so you have something to reach for. We put just as much faith into these ideas as an ultra orthodox Jew puts into the words of the Torah. While one believes that the Boston Celtics winning the NBA championship will bring happiness, another believes the same results will occur after the extermination of homosexuality. Several years ago Boston was a town of losing sports teams. There was a curse that had to be broken and we were led to believe that it would take 100 years to break.

A curse is just the mind’s way of saying there is no God or that God is dead or that God wishes ill upon you. If one feels cursed then he or she merely doesn’t believe in him or herself. No one is cursed as long as they have faith, and faith is simply, one’s desire to go on and experience life. One can lose faith for a variety of reasons. If someone cheats on a guy, he might lose interest in meeting anyone else, or in other words, he might lose faith that there is reason to the universe, especially if he doesn’t examine the cause and effect of his life in detail. However, he doesn’t have to analyze. He just needs to change the dynamics and definitions of his faith. Whereas before he may of thought it impossible for someone to cheat on him, now he must realize that it is possible, but preventable, and that cheating is not yet confirmed to be a definite in every relationship.

That ability to redefine your faith differentiates you from a fanatic who follows a strict image and code that cannot be broken, someone who doesn’t understand that the universe is shifting around them.

However, one might also say that if you don’t back down from your beliefs then the universe will shift at your command.

Whether the definition of your God changes or not, the faith must remain strong in order to remain happy and in order to keep a strong faith one must remain happy. Happiness and faith seem to be the same and so when we pray to God to end suffering around the world, or help our favorite sports team win the championship, or get some guy or girl to like us, we’re simply asking a controllable universe to grant us happiness. If the universe were uncontrollable then what would be the point? Even those who believe in predestination still believe that their place in the afterlife can be controlled. So control is always present in the mind of someone who is faithful. It’s those who have no faith who feel everything is out of their control, the world is chaotic, happiness is beyond their reach, no one can save them, until they’ve lost site of any sort of direction or reason for existence.

This is why the need for religion is understandable, yet the conflicts amongst various religious groups is laughable.

If you don’t have a strong sense of who you might take it out on others. When I’m onstage telling jokes that I’ve told so many times the reason for humor has escaped me, I tend to lose drive, and I am distracted by anything and everything in my path. Someone texting on their cell phone might inspire a tirade. A heckler might lead me to believe that all audiences are bad. God is simply the ability to know what you want in this world be strong enough (faithful enough, strong minded enough, focused enough) to get it. Sometimes I write a new joke and for me that new joke acts as God for the night, delivering me past any distractions or reason for negativity.

God is simply coal in our fuel tanks, which probably explains why those who are bad on Christmas get coal, so they no longer drift from faith, but rather steam roll and accelerate toward their goals and happiness.

Beheading Video

BEHEADING VIDEO GONE WRONG!

Terrorism isn't as easy as it looks...

How to Sound Insecure When You’re Trying To Get People To Read Your How-To Article

Hey so I don’t really know much about the subject, but I guess I could maybe give you some dumb advice on how to sound insecure. That’s if you care about what I have to say, which I don’t know why you would. I’m stupid. And I smell bad.

1.) I kind of guess the first step to sounding insecure might be something like adding “I don’t know” to everything you say, but I don’t really have a clue. Am I convincing you yet? Probably not. I’m a nincompoop.

2.) If you’re still reading this poor excuse for an article, I’m so sorry for wasting moments of your life you can never get back. (This isn’t really a tip. I just feel really bad).

3.) Do you think I’m dumb? I don’t believe you. I think you think I’m dumb. It’s ok. I’m pretty dumb.

4.) If you want to sound insecure then maybe you could sort of stare at the ground every time you say anything. Right? Sorry.

5.) Seriously, do you think I’m dumb? I’m not going to believe whatever you say.

Don't Try And Fuck Me

Two Men. One Bed.

He's Hitler!?!

New video out about nazis, muffins, and child services...

HE'S HITLER!?!

Man vs. Himself: The Stunning Conclusion

Man vs. Himself: Episode 5

Man vs. Himself: Episode 4

Man Vs. Himself: Episode 3

Man vs. Himself: Episode 2

According to sScienceNews, a product called Mycobond offers the shipping industry an alternative to the packing peanut: a new material made of inedible agricultural waste and mushroom roots. “I’ve been looking to package my fine art and fragile gifts in a compost pile” stated one hippie and no one else. Drug addicts everywhere are now getting stoned from not only receiving packages, but also mailing them. Other Mycobond packing materials include banana peels, rotten tomatoes, and dirt.

According to the sScienceNews article, the fungus-based material takes “one-eighth the energy and one tenth the carbon dioxide of traditional foam packing material,” which allows you to stick your shipping supplies in the compost bin once your package arrives. It also allows you to hold your nose every time you walk near whatever was shipped to you. Not only can you put your packing materials in the compost pile but you can also throw whatever was shipped in there as well.

Winston Churchill’s dentures have been auctioned for 15,200 pounds and awarded to a private collector. Which proves that one can be a winner and loser at the same time. Some speculate Churchill’s jock strap will go for twice as much.

Seventy pensioners, some as old as 90, have been sentenced with Anti-Social Behavior Orders as a result of late-night parties and loud music until the early morning hours at their sheltered housing estate. Those complaining included teenagers everywhere who couldn’t hear their own jacked out car speakers and heavy metal concerts.

The complaints include allegations that a new tenant had been bringing 'outsiders' into the shared common room for late night bingo sessions. “I can barely concentrate on my insomnia and back pain with all that racket,” stated one tenant.

Pfizer plans to sell a children's form of Viagra to reduce high blood pressure and treat a rare lung disorder that affects about 600 kids a year. Guys everywhere are now claiming that they suffer from a lung disorder.

Really starting to get tired of following the news

A NY mother was arrested on DWI charges after her 12-year-old daughter called 911 from vehicle. “Well that explains why she didn’t want to sit shotgun,” said the mother after being handcuffed. The mother was released on a $2,000 bond and the 12 year old was given a time out for embarrassing mommy in front of the police and Fox News crews.

A wedding photographer in Italy was shot dead after a hunting rifle he asked the bride and groom to pose with accidentally went off...thus giving a whole new meaning to the term "shotgun wedding." Oddly enough their vows were “In sickness and in health, til the sudden death of our photographer makes things really awkward.” “As if wedding planning wasn’t stressful enough,” said the bride, “I needed that like a hole in the head.”

Bullfighting was banned in the province of Catalonia, Spain. Finally, people can go back to wearing red without living in fear.

Catalonia is to a large degree self-ruling and many in Spain see the bullfighting ban as a further bid to stand out from the rest of the country. Catalonia also plans to ban tacos, sombreros, and the use of the prefix “el” before any word.

A 17-month-old Bengal tiger escaped from his owners' truck and is now roaming around Johannesburg, South Africa. Finally, a reason Americans can pay attention to events happening in South Africa. Maybe you deserve to have a tiger loose in your city if you allow people to drive around with a tiger in their truck.

Hey Dirty, Baby I Got Your Money

Topical Tuesday

According to a new ranking by Businessweek.com based on data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Louisiana is America's Laziest State. The ranking was provided by Louisiana’s dad who also called the state a “good for nothing.” So if you’re looking for a vacation spot with relaxation, look no further than the oil covered beaches of a hurricane demolished state.

The study explained that Louisianans over the course of a year spend on average 3,285 more minutes sleeping and 9,855 more minutes watching television than the national average. Also noted, the people who took the time to conduct this survey got laid 1 million minutes less than the national average.

Clean-Up Crews for BP Can't Find Crude in the Gulf. I told my boss the same thing when I didn’t want to organize the file cabinet. “Files? What files?” When asked what they thought crude oil looked like, the crew shrugged their shoulders and said “I don’t know. Gross stuff?” In order to find out where the oil is going, BP has decided to ignore warnings and safety measures so they can have another mass spill and hopefully end this frustrating mystery.

In Indiana police busted a counterfeit operation that was targeting drug dealers. In his statement, Jerry Goodin actually said, "We want all the drug dealers to call us...We want to get all of your information and exactly what happened there. We want to see what we can do to try and help you. " That being said, Goodin is also holding a party at his house if any murderers or rapists want to drop in and vent their frustrations about the counterfeiters. "Trust me," he added, "My wife makes a cheesecake that is to die for." Drug dealers are skeptical, but also not sure if it’s the drugs that’s making them paranoid.

A nine-year-old boy was forgotten in a Chicago airport waiting room Saturday for nearly eight hours after an airline representative failed to put him on a connecting flight. The boy was scared about being in an airport alone until he set up a series of booby traps, involving micro machines and paint cans. When asked why the boy wasn’t helped, airline reps explained they were too busy typing extremely fast while staring intensely at their computers. They were also too busy telling breathless men that they couldn’t “go in there” even if the love of their life was leaving on that flight and never coming back.

The NFL is producing a poster for their locker rooms that alerts its players to the effects of concussions. One NFL player who saw the poster immediately quit the NFL, stating, “I didn’t know charging full speed at a 400 lb muscle mass could be dangerous." The NFL also plans to cover their own butts by creating other posters including “dogfighting is a bad thing” and “rape is a no no.” Unfortunately those who are unable to read the concussion poster are too late to learn the message.

Headlines for 7/26

Shopkeepers of Rhinebeck are excited Chelsea Clinton has chosen their town for her wedding, but everyone donating to the event has been asked to take a confidentiality agreement. Bill’s asking this to be especially true for the cigar store.

Mexican television stations are airing complaints and comedy sketches concerning Arizona’s new law which makes it a state crime to be in the country illegally. However, no one is asking why Mexico doesn’t just stop sucking as a place to live.

The city of Minneapolis is cutting down on traffic through a series of bus only lanes, bike paths, and express lane tolls. They’ve also followed Arizona’s lead and cut down on outsiders entering the city.

Wal-Mart is putting electronic identification tags on men's clothing to gain more control of its inventory. The garments will have removable smart tags that can be read from a distance by Wal-Mart workers with scanners. The scanners are also able to tell if the customers are fooling themselves by trying to fit into a certain pair of jeans. Next month Walmart plans to have a ray gun that prevents shoppers from leaving without buying anything.

The group, Consumers Against Supermarket Privacy Invasion and Numbering, is nervous, not only about this new tracking system, but also about the possibility that they’ll have to stick with their ridiculously long name.

A teen in New Zealand is ok after falling 16 stories. The guy he fell on is not ok, however

Man vs. Himself: Episode 1

Topical

British drinks company announces new Lady Gaga flavored tea. Early testers say it's easy to become addicted to the tea even though you can't stand anything about it and feel guilty for liking it.

Senate's voting today to extend unemployment benefits. Right now I would kill for a job with a company that finds me expendable.

New books are dealing with fart jokes to get boys to read more. Many young men are turning to careers in sanitation and standup comedy.

New Video From Grandma's Favorite

The Club

Produced by Grandma's Favorite

Edited by Me

With Jay Nog, Lance Weiss, Joe Larson, Aaron-Kominos Smith, Brendan Fitzgibbons, Cory Jarvis, and myself.

Enjoy...

I am so God Damned Topical

A 26-year-old Russian artist, Victoria, is claiming to have developed a new artistic form — painting with her breasts. Finally people can appreciate women for their breasts. When reporters arrived to look at the artwork, one painting commented “Um, I’m up here.” Once considered superficial, boob jobs are now seen as a means to artistic expression.

Mel Gibson’s rep denies rumors that the actor is fleeing to Australia as he’s investigated for domestic violence against ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, stating the actor is “focusing on work.” By “work” he means slandering the Jews, driving drunk, and making another movie where he plays a psycho.

A recent study found that students returning from studying abroad have both higher GPAs and higher graduation rates than similar students who stayed home for their entire college careers. Students are now racing down to spend a year in Cancun so as to raise their GPA. However, some students failed exams due to spending so much time on scrap-booking their pictures and talking about how like totally amazing it was to experience another culture.

A beer cooler is credited with saving two men from drowning in the Chesapeake Bay. Unfortunately most of the beer was lost as the men had to send messages in each bottle to attract search parties around the bay. Luckily Sting was there to find each bottle and send out an SOS. In other news, an eight-ball was credited with saving a cokehead from feeling the pavement when he jumped off his roof.

A woman in line at McDonald’s bought a sandwich and stuffed it down her pants, saying her order had been shorted and she deserved a free one. I like free food as much as the next drunk psycho who goes into a South Carolinan McDonald’s and screams obscenities at the employees, but I’m not about to tarnish some perfectly good faux meat between two crumbly, stale, white buns by sticking it down my pants. Authorities say it was the second fastest time a McDonald’s meal has ever made it to someone’s pants. When police questioned her, the woman said that the fast food had simply gone straight to her thighs. Claiming she needed to exercise it off, the woman promptly ran away from the police. The woman was fooled into revealing the stolen food when police asked her to show them her buns and meat curtains.

A Hungarian man was inspired to find a girlfriend after reading Romeo and Juliet. He added that the play also inspired him to kill his future girlfriend’s brother before taking his own life.

To help him with his quest he’s left fliers on 300 balconies with the message “Lonely Romeo looking for his Juliet and a serious relationship.” He also left a couple fliers stating, “Bernie’s furniture store now offering 20% off all items with the purchase of a Hungarian lunatic.” So far he’s received a few phone calls, most of them inquiring if he has Prince Albert in a can.

A man with a bulge under his shirt was detained at Mexico City's airport after authorities found 18 tiny endangered monkeys in pouches attached to his girdle. Another man on the scene allegedly shouted, “That ain’t nothing. You should see the alligator I smuggled in my butthole.” Police figured out what was going on when they offered a banana to his crotch. The record, however, was 19 monkeys so all he won was jail time and several news stories about how much of an idiot he was. Just before authorities arrested the man he said, “Curious Georges, now look what you’ve done.” When asked why he was smuggling monkeys, the man explained that the monkeys were smuggling drugs and he didn’t want them to get in trouble…sort of a Russian doll of drug muling.

Day 3 of Staying Topical

Day 3 of staying topical...Now I know why it's so hard to be CNN. You have to do a lot of reading and stuff. Anywho...

The Vatican issued new rules to make it easier to discipline priests for sex abuse cases. The discipline involves a spanking behind closed doors done by an alter-boy of their choosing.

John Daly hit the British Open with lavender paisley pants, a peach shirt, and a blue sweater, what he describes as “good luck start pants,” as in “good luck getting laid.” They provide good luck as every other player is too distracted to hit well. To increase his good luck, Daly plans to also wear a bedazzled headdress and clown makeup.

The Norwegian Epic, the 200 foot tall cruise ship, boasts 19 decks, three water slides, the ability to host 4,200 guests, is worth $1 billion…And is shaped like a middle finger for homeless people everywhere. James Cameron is already planning his sequel to Titanic.

The ship also offers three amusement park-quality water slides, a full-sized basketball court, batting cage, 33-foot-high climbing wall, spa, and Fitness Center. So you can do all the things you’ve wanted to do with the added benefit of sea sickness.

A Nestle SA subsidiary has agreed to drop advertising claims that its children’s drink, "BOOST Kid Essentials" prevents colds and flu. They added, “We’re not, however, taking back our statement that our candy bars can beat chicken pox and super villains.”