Topical Tuesday

According to a new ranking by Businessweek.com based on data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Louisiana is America's Laziest State. The ranking was provided by Louisiana’s dad who also called the state a “good for nothing.” So if you’re looking for a vacation spot with relaxation, look no further than the oil covered beaches of a hurricane demolished state.

The study explained that Louisianans over the course of a year spend on average 3,285 more minutes sleeping and 9,855 more minutes watching television than the national average. Also noted, the people who took the time to conduct this survey got laid 1 million minutes less than the national average.

Clean-Up Crews for BP Can't Find Crude in the Gulf. I told my boss the same thing when I didn’t want to organize the file cabinet. “Files? What files?” When asked what they thought crude oil looked like, the crew shrugged their shoulders and said “I don’t know. Gross stuff?” In order to find out where the oil is going, BP has decided to ignore warnings and safety measures so they can have another mass spill and hopefully end this frustrating mystery.

In Indiana police busted a counterfeit operation that was targeting drug dealers. In his statement, Jerry Goodin actually said, "We want all the drug dealers to call us...We want to get all of your information and exactly what happened there. We want to see what we can do to try and help you. " That being said, Goodin is also holding a party at his house if any murderers or rapists want to drop in and vent their frustrations about the counterfeiters. "Trust me," he added, "My wife makes a cheesecake that is to die for." Drug dealers are skeptical, but also not sure if it’s the drugs that’s making them paranoid.

A nine-year-old boy was forgotten in a Chicago airport waiting room Saturday for nearly eight hours after an airline representative failed to put him on a connecting flight. The boy was scared about being in an airport alone until he set up a series of booby traps, involving micro machines and paint cans. When asked why the boy wasn’t helped, airline reps explained they were too busy typing extremely fast while staring intensely at their computers. They were also too busy telling breathless men that they couldn’t “go in there” even if the love of their life was leaving on that flight and never coming back.

The NFL is producing a poster for their locker rooms that alerts its players to the effects of concussions. One NFL player who saw the poster immediately quit the NFL, stating, “I didn’t know charging full speed at a 400 lb muscle mass could be dangerous." The NFL also plans to cover their own butts by creating other posters including “dogfighting is a bad thing” and “rape is a no no.” Unfortunately those who are unable to read the concussion poster are too late to learn the message.